Monday, Nov. 08, 2004 | 2:05 PM

The most important lesson I�ve learned (and learning this has been a slooooowwww process) is that the greatest responsibility you have is to be emotionally honest with yourself and others. When this doesn�t happen, massive problems occur. Without this, growth stops, and delusions set in.

Life is too short to live a lie, or to not do things you want to do because it might hurt someone else. You aren�t doing that person any favors. I�ve been on both sides of this coin so I know. And when you�re honest and you lay everything on the line, it has a way of melting other people�s facades as well so you see who you�re really dealing with.

In the short term it is a painful�so painful. I don�t know which more painful, busting someone else�s bubble or having yours burst.

The worst is when you believe something is one way and other people are operating under a false pretense�that kind of misunderstanding can turn into a massive quagmire. That�s why it�s important in any relationship whether it�s working or otherwise to be as clear as possible from the get go�even to the point wehere you think you�re stating the obvious. What�s obvious to you isn�t necessarily obvious to anyone else. Just because you think something is one way and it makes perfect sense to you doesn�t mean that everyone is on your page.

Something I keep having to remember is that other people�s emotions or sense of reality is not my responsibility. It�s not my responsibility to carry anyone or to make them feel good about themselves, and vice versa is true. Nobody is responsible for me either. We are each responsible for making our own happiness. And relationships based on guilt or obligation are bullshit.

Everything happens for a reason, you know?

Still, I hate hurting people.

Blah.

In other news, Matt made a really good lunch to take to work today. He is lovely.