Thursday, May. 13, 2004 | 11:34 AM

Yesterday Matt wrote me the most insanely beautiful romantic email I have ever read. It made me laugh and cry and shake and blush.

I went home after work and had a big long talk with Angus. A very good talk about the state of things. I think he is OK. But he has regrets. You don�t know what you got til it�s gone, I guess.

I don�t want to have an open relationship with Matt. Or rather let me say this�Matt doesn�t have a whole lot of experience romantically and because of that and because of how certain I am beyond a shadow of a doubt that he adores me, I truly wouldn�t be jealous if he decided he wanted to experiment sexually outside the relationship�I�ve told him as much. Of course, he doesn�t want to (lovely darling.) He just wants to be with me. And I just want to be with him. I�m not even attracted to anyone else right now. I�ve never been so attracted to anyone in my whole life as I am to Matt. It�s all I can do to keep my hands off of him when we�re in the same room. And he feels the same. It�s funny because this was never about sex. It was about love. And I wasn�t expecting the sex to be so mind-blowing and so transcendental.

We had practice last night. And the dynamic between us is so hott now. There�s a song he wrote about us before we got together and it�s a duet and it starts with him singing,

I need a lover to teach me all the games to play under the sheets�

And when he sings it he looks right at me and my knees start trembling. It�s going to be so fucking good onstage.

Oh yeah�our next show is May 29th at the Midway in JP. You should come. We are awesome.