Monday, May. 03, 2004 | 2:57 PM

OK, I�m doing much better than I was this morning. I�m getting better at finding ways out of these emotional black holes.

If we�re both freaking out, then it�ll turn into a mess. I have to be the grown up in this situation. I am four years older, and I�ve actually had a LOT of romantic experience to draw from. I could write a book called, What To Avoid in Romantic Relationships. This is actually a moment where I feel blessed that I�ve been through so much bullshit. I really have learned a lot. I�m having my own private little freak outs here and there, but I�m not freaking out at him. I�m giving him space. I�m letting him take his time, and I�m waiting to see what happens.

Also, I have a full amazing life. I have theatre and friends and music and everything wonderful a person could possibly want. I�m not going to stake my happiness on this relationship. There is an element of destiny here. If it works, it works. If it doesn�t it doesn�t. But either way, I�m not going to regret anything. Being this vulnerable and real feels so good.