Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 | 4:09 PM

Ug. What the FUCK dude? Have you ever felt like you wake up one day and suddenly it�s a year ago and all the lessons you learned since that time in your life are just gone? I feel so fucking depressed right now and I have no real reason to be at all. I mean, none. Nada. What is wrong with me? Fuckin� A.

But anyway� I�ve spent a goodly portion of the day on The Noise boards and dude�people can be such catty fuckers. Wow. That�s all I�m gonna say.

However, Matt was voted officially one of the cutest rock boys in Boston on that particular thread. Which he is. And one of the nicest. He�s coming over tonight, and I�m looking forward to it, except that I�m in such a shit mood right now and I don�t know whether I�ll have gotten myself out of it by the time he comes by.

I�m feeling ridiculously insecure right now and freaked out. WHY is that? And all sorts of weird bullshit self loathing that reminds me of being so much younger. It�s uncomfortable and it sucks and I want to get out of it.

I think I need a drink.