Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 | 10:18 AM

I�m wearing a shirt today that I haven�t worn in about four years. It�s white and it almost looks like a pajama top. Isn�t it great when an item from your wardrobe makes a comeback? It�s almost as good as when an album from your record collection does.

Yesterday evening Matt came over. It turns out that he was exactly what I needed. We�re working on the breathing techniques from Freeing the Natural Voice and I forgot how helpful all that shit is. I felt so much better doing it, and able to shake off a lot of the negative energy that�s been haunting me over the past few days. I love him so so so so so much. We did this thing where we just stood a few inches apart from each other and looked into each others eyes and breathed together and just took each other in. Words cannot express folks, what he means to me, I would gladly lay down on the railroad tracks for him. I have never cared so much about someone.

We also just spent a lot of time talking about things and we have such an understanding of one another. His friendship means everything to me. There should be a word other than love because I feel like he alone has a place in my heart that no one could ever touch.

Tonight we have band practice.

Tomorrow evening Angus and I are making dinner together and having an evening alone, which is long overdue. We used to hang out so much (well, we were also having an affair so I guess that makes sense.) And we really don�t have so too many chances anymore. We are both so busy. He just got a role in another play�an original work about terrorism and he seems really excited about it. He�s doing so well and I�m very proud of him.

Saturday I have Company rehearsal and I�m half dreading/half joyfully anticipating it.

I had a wonderful dream last night and I�m feeling so much better now.