Monday, Feb. 09, 2004 | 1:19 PM

I have fallen in love with music again. It�s been a long road back, but I�m obsessed in the way I once was. I spent hours and hours and hours yesterday listening to The Polyphonic Spree, Radiohead, The Cure, The Association, The Guess Who, Joy Division, The Kinks, The Shins, Guided by Voices, The Animals, and Etta James. And of course the demos for our band.

Our band our band our band. Sooooo excited. It�s like being in love. Well it is being in love because love is all wrapped up in it anyway and that�s fucking scary and exhilarating. This situation is oddly repetitive and I wonder whether it�s that we do things over and over to get them right. We practice until we learn. I hope I get it right this time. All the good and none of the bad, and reaching some kind of actual culmination. God I love Matt. I love being with him and I love working with him. I wish I wasn�t at fucking work right now but instead home with him working out harmonies and being delighted.

Dude. DUDE. You have no idea. No idea how amazing this band is going to be.

It�s like coming back to life again. It�s been this long slow process of returning from the waking dead. And I would say it started with Cabaret-- that was the most dramatic. The was like sitting straight up in bed after having been in a coma for years and years. But it keeps getting more and more so like that. I feel protected and cushioned by something divine. I feel like I have an ultimate purpose. I feel like destiny is on my side. I have dreams�both waking and while sleeping�that come true. And when I get scared I just have to remind myself it�s a ride I�m on and that if I take a deep breath and let it all just happen, everything will be fine.

Oh, speaking of music, this is an absolute must read. I can�t stop giggling.