Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004 | 9:04 AM

So last night was totally wild.

Went down to the Middle East to see The Suicide Girls burlesque. Was supposed to meet my peeps, whom I never wound up finding. However, I did run into Vivakate and Bathtubmary, both of whom were dressed to the nines and looking delightful. We conversed and it was lovely, and phone numbers were exchanged. Eventually they left the bar to go see the show, and I hung out in vein, hoping to find my friends.

I didn�t, but I did run into Ross whom I haven�t seen in forever. I love Ross. We chatted, and I told him about my new band. Then it occurred to me that we�re looking for a drummer and he plays drums. A ha! It�s entirely possible that he could be our new drummer. He definitely seemed interested in the project, and I�ve always liked working with him the couple of times I have in the past. Cool, eh? Ah, destiny.

I eventually gave up on trying to find my peeps and because I�m lazy, I decided to take a cab home.

I got in the cab, and the driver was ridiculously hott in a way that I don�t usually find that attractive�really cut, sorta oily Pisano type hott. He was super sweet too. Maybe it was the three long island iced teas I had, but I fucking wanted that guy and I knew I would have him.

We flirted as we drove and we stopped at Dunkin Donuts for coffee.

Next thing I know we�re in the back of the cab making out wildly. It was so illicit and naughty and well, um hott. I mean, I didn�t even ask his name. It was the most anonymous sexual encounter I�ve ever had. I didn�t actually have sex with him because he didn�t have any condoms, but I probably would have otherwise. And it was so fucking fun to just throw caution to the wind like that. He struck me as being a really good solid guy, and I felt like a teenager in the backseat. God damn that boy knew his way around a woman�s body. Yow! Also, needless to say, I didn�t have to pay the cab fare. Ha ha.

The older I get, the more I�m capable of divorcing sex from love. Like the fact that I am insanely in love with Matt and would probably marry him tomorrow if he asked me to doesn�t change the fact that I can enjoy the hell out of something like last night.

As y�all know, I�ve spent the last couple years reevaluating romantic relationships and I don�t think I�m quite finished yet. I woke up this morning feeling sexy as hell and I had so much fun yesterday. I hate rules and regulations and all that jazz. Can you have a romantic relationship with someone without having sex with them and have great sex with people you don�t feel romantically towards? Or is this all bullshit that I�m using to keep myself emotionally safe because I�ve been so super scarred in the past? I don�t know if I buy into that pop psychology mumbo jumbo anymore. Maybe I just have a wild streak that I never knew existed. Maybe I just like things kind of dirty and fucked up. And maybe that�s OK. Don�t get me wrong�having sex with someone you love is a wonderful, beautiful thing. But having sex with someone you just want to fuck the hell out of is also a wonderful beautiful thing.

Oh well. Anyway, last night was hella fun. Let�s just leave it at that.