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Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 | 2:50 PM I've been hanging 'round Covent Graden for you for centuries
You know I was thinking, when you have a relationship with someone, (not that I�m having a �relationship�, but I am in love with someone with whom I have a highly romantic friendship� you get my drift) you�re not just having a relationship with that person�you�re having a relationship with all of his/her past relationships.
I realize how so many of my assumptions about his behavior are based on the past. Like when I freaked out because he didn�t call for four days or answer my emails, I thought he was blowing me off. But really, he was crazy busy with school and work and wasn�t checking email or responding to anybody, and he actually missed me and was looking forward to last night.
He is coming from a totally different world than me. He has never had a real relationship.
And he also has no idea how beautiful he is. We were lounging on my bed a week or so ago and he said something like,
You know, I think I�m a reasonably OK looking guy. I mean I�m not great looking or anything, but I�m not ugly.
And it wasn�t a line either�he really meant it.
And I just stared at him with my mouth agape thinking, uh�. you look like a combination of Beck and Elijah Wood. Everyone that meets you comments on how drop dead adorable you are. A sea of eyes follow you whenever we go anywhere. And besides being an indie hipster looking rock God, you are the sweetest, funniest, most achingly sincere (but lacking in any pretense of mawkishness), most articulate person I�ve ever known. And beyond that you are one of the very best fiction writers, songwriters, guitarists, and singers I�ve ever known. And beyond EVEN that you are kind and friendly to everyone and completely unselfish. And the strangest thing of all is, somehow, for whatever bizarre reason, you think I am completely amazing and you treat me like a Queen. AND I met you on a friggin� bus to Rochester NY where we both grew up.
HEY---- I THINK I LOVE YOU/SO WHAT AM I SO AFRAID OF?
He is an acquarius with a libra moon and a leo ascendent. He has venus in capricorn and mars in acquarius.
I am a pisces with an acquairus moon and a libra ascendent. I have venus in aries and mars in acquarious.
Our composite chart is wild.
Every silly romantic showtune in the world is describing my life right now. I never in a million years would have believed I�d ever be so happy or that I�d meet someone so completely wonderful. Or that I�d be in a band again. Or that I�d be in theatre again. And I feel like I completely deserve all of this, which is totally new for me.
All the stuff I used to spend so much time worrying about has disappeared. I finally really understand that Robyn Hitchcock song, I Feel Beautiful. It goes like this:
I feel beautiful
Because you love me
I water the tomatoes and I think of you
No one's ever watered me the way you do
I feel beautiful
Because you love me
I feel like a creature that is sleekly groomed
Not some poisoned soul that is alone and doomed
I feel beautiful
Because you love me
I see the clock in shadow and I see your face
You and me belong in the same time and place
People never celebrate the things they've got
Honey without you I wouldn't have a lot
I feel beautiful
Because you love me
Because you love me
Yes, we're alive at the same time
Like mayflies
Like fireflies
I've been hanging 'round Covent Garden for you for centuries
I've been waiting on Festival Pier for you, honey, for decades
I wake up in the morning and I face the East
I am in the paws of an enormous beast
I feel beautiful
Because you love me
Because you love me.
And the thing is, (and this is such a clich�) I realize finally that the key to being able to fully connect with and relate to someone else is that first you have to love yourself and be able to stand on your own two feet. This past couple years has been so amazing�scary and hurtful and lovely and exhilarating. I feel so alive. I can�t wait to see what else happens.
time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006
Before After
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