Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 | 12:46 AM

So.

He called me. Duh. And of course it was totally my own pathology at work before when I was freaking out--just dumb bullshit I'm still working through. And he's so kind and sensitive and understanding and lovely and everything amazing and good. And we spent four hours out tonight together, just talking and such.

And we had a serious breakthrough of sorts. I don't want to get too into it. I don't know where it's leading.

I got a cab at the end of the night and as I got in we kissed. Not some big romantic kiss or anything, but definitely something of meaning. As we pulled away the cabbie said to me,

Is that your boyfriend? You two seem so happy together.

And I laughed and surprised myself by answering,

No he's not my boyfriend. Not yet, anyway.

I'm head fucking over, kids. I love him so much. And it's great if we never get beyond where we are right now which is a terrific level to be at. This is one of the realest, most intense beautiful friendships I've ever had. I treasure it.

But I fucking love him. He makes me so motherfucking happy I can hardly stand it. I am so in love. It's the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.