Tuesday, Jan. 27, 2004 | 11:19 AM

Tonight is my audition for Company and I am completely calm. I mean, I�m not worried at all. Which isn�t to say that I think I�m a shoe in to get the role I want, or even to get a role period. Not at all. But I am a lot more capable of trusting that whatever happens will work out for me, and being anxious about something I have limited control over is a waste of time and energy.

I�m feeling a little depressed today and I�m not exactly sure why. I�m tired and I don�t feel like being at work. I have auditions and then band practice and then hopefully it won�t be too late to make it out for a drink for Josh�s birthday. I�m a little burnt out and blank today; hopefully all the creative stuff later on will invigorate me. I am also hoping it snows like a mutherfuck tonight and work is cancelled tomorrow.

You know, I haven�t gotten laid in like, almost a month and I think something has to be done about this. I�m all for high-mindedness and what not, but when I�m not having sex I�m really not that happy. I could use a good screw. I know that�s a touch tasteless and I know that I�ve been all about the romance and the bliss and the staring into each other�s eyes and holding hands bit for awhile. And don�t get me wrong. I totally still am. But a gal�s got needs, and there really isn�t anything I�d like more at this moment than to be slammed up against the hood of a car and groped.

I almost feel like I should have two relationships. One romantic and chaste and full of longings unexpressed and deep feelings and soulfull gazes. And one hott dirty power trip sexathon.

I haven�t woken up with bruises or scratches lately and that�s something I miss.

Oh well. Think about the poor starving children in Africa who never have any sex at all.