Monday, Jan. 26, 2004 | 2:08 PM

So you know, I�ve come to a conclusion that I am not going to worry or give another moment�s thought to �where things are going��not with Matt or with anything. A tree doesn�t think about the shape it�s going to grow into�it simply grows. And I�m just going to take this all on a moment by moment basis�that�s the best most enjoyable way to live. I just can�t believe how great everything is right now. Here�s the recap of the last couple weeks:

1) Had my Cabaret Night concert and got a standing ovation

2) Had acting class and nailed my scene. Was told by my teacher that I�m very talented.

3) Hung out tons with Matt, whom I love more than I have ever thought I�d be capable of loving another human being.

4) This new band with me, Matt, Kara, and others is in its infancy now

5) Had great talks with Angus and our friendship is going so beautifully�it�s at its most authentic

6) Have been out socializing every single day

7) Work is going much better than it has been

8) My audition for Company is tomorrow and so is my first band practice

I have so much to enjoy. And I�m not going to ruin it by analyzing it. The more I get out of my own head, the more I simply connect with other people, the happier and luckier I seem to be. And you know what? I honestly for the first time believe that I deserve all of this. I deserve to be happy. I went through hell and I came out OK and I�ll never forget how strong I am. Life is a wonderful beautiful perfect thing and when you can just decide not to be miserable and decide that things don�t have to be a certain way, the whole universe takes care of you.

My heart is so consistently filled with love that it almost feels ready to burst. I feel so fucking goofy with joy that I can hardly take it.