Sunday, Dec. 14, 2003 | 3:46 PM

Gosh, where to begin about this weekend? I gotta get the facts down so I don�t forget. It was the weirdest most debaucherous weekend of all time, filled with drama and intrigue and I can�t even share the tip of the iceberg here, but needless to say my life is so interesting to me. Fascinating stuff happens all the time, more and more so. Maybe it�s that I am making up for years of being bored and miserable. The past couple days have been a great deal of fun and I am thrilled to the gills.

Friday night I went to see Angus�s play. He was very good, and I am not saying that because I�m biased. I was shocked by how powerful he was onstage. He absolutely could make a living as an actor. There were several other supporting cast members who were also excellent. Propriety keeps me from sharing the rest of my opinion here. As I get more and more involved in professional theater,. I find it harder and harder to sit through performances. I�ve gotten a lot more critical lately.

After the show I was dragged over to The Good Life and was planning on having one solitary drink. Cut to five hours later when I�m sitting on Co-star�s lap relating a story to our entire table, and sucking on the cherry stem from my eighth chocolate martini. Angus took off at 11:30, and I don�t think he was very happy with me, but I feel very good about the way I behaved and the decisions I�ve made lately for a variety of reasons. I will censor them from this page for the most part. I love Angus more than life itself and I�m sure we�ll talk everything through.

All of us were gloriously sloshed and it was magical to be in the warm embrace of all my theater friends. At 1AM most people went home but several of us rolled over to the Hong Kong for scorpion bowls and Chinese food.

I woke up the next day at 8:00AM and Lynn had just gotten home from her boyfriend�s house. She and I proceeded to sit on her bed and talk for the next seven hours straight about everything under the sun. I�ve always liked Lynn a lot, but as I get to know her more and more I realize that she is so much smarter, funnier, kinder, and more insightful than I have ever given her credit for. Our friendship continues to deepen and for that I feel blessed.

At around 3PM, I got a call from Matt, the boy from the bus. We talked on the phone for five hours. He is AMAZING. We firmed up plans to go see LOTR and he�s going to karaoke with me on Thursday. We are both totally fascinated with each other as people and neither of us can get over it. I have no idea what this relationship will turn into but I would be thrilled if we just became really good friends. I need to be inspired and he inspires me. I can�t wait to see him Tuesday.

At 8, Alamada came over and we had dinner and talked for three hours. I love her so much and miss her now that she lives in NYC. At 11, Alamada dropped me off at the cast party for Angsu�s show which I had been invited to because of my affiliation with the theater troupe. I had THE BEST TIME EVER. Director and I had a very big, very important talk and I love her so much. I also had some good exchanges with several other people whom I care about greatly. Things got rowdy after the less adventurous cast and crew members left. There was some stripping involved and I wound up making out with Co-Star from Cabaret! YAY. I finally got to make out with him in real life instead of just onstage! I also made out with Choreographer. Angus is not at all happy with me. But again, we�ll talk it all through. Our friendship has survived so many things and it will survive this. In a way, I think I am doing him a kindness by allowing him to see what it feels like to be hurt in this matter because he has certainly done it to me many times. I hate to say this because it seems really evil, but it feels good to for once be on the other side of the fence on this issue. For my entire romantic history with everyone I�ve been involved with, I�ve felt like the person doing the chasing, the one who gets jealous and hurt. And I will NOT do it anymore. If people refuse to make choices for themselves and instead waffle back and forth about what they want from me, I�ll make the choice for them. And my choice is that I am going to have as much fun as possible no matter who else is around. So there. And if they don�t like it then they can maybe make an actual decision and stick to it rather than seducing me and then freaking out and then seducing me and freaking out ad infinitum.

I stayed overnight at the cast party, and this morning Ben drove me home. I took a long nap and now Sean, one of my oldest and best friends in the world who lives in NYC is on his way over here. Seeing him fills me with joy and sunshine. Later Alamada will pick up both of us and we shall venture over to our dear friend�s surprise birthday party. I can�t wait!

I feel terrific right now and the world could not be better. Everything is working out wonderfully for me and does so the more I continue to make empowered choices and not wait around for the apologies I deserve.

Hooray for everything!