Monday, Dec. 15, 2003 | 10:44 AM

Alamada said that my autobiography should be called Decadence: A Life.

So to pick up where I left off�

Sean came over Sunday around 3ish and it was a joy and a pleasure to see his gorgeous face. We ordered some greasy takeout and caught up while waiting for Alamada and Ruhiya to come by. We shared our shocking stories of sin and debauchery and talked about our sex lives and made each other laugh like hell. We agreed that both of us are sluts and like it that way for the time being.

Eventually Alamada and Ruhiya made it over and the four of us piled into the car. While pulling out of her parking space, Alamada managed to get into an altercation with a tiny yapping lady who was very much just off the boat. It was highly amusing.

About three minutes into the ride, the car began making funny noises. Apparently, something was hanging from the bottom of the car, so we stopped on Harvard Ave. and Alamada, high heels and all, rolled under the car and fixed the problem with some twine and Christmas decoration hangers. That girl cracks me up like just about nobody else.

It was an absolute blizzard outside and Alamada�s car is in baaaaaad shape. It�s a 1980 model and on the verge of biting the dust. Sean and I were afraid that we would be dead before we got to Dave�s house and I kept holding his hand for reassurance. Alamada and I sang Christmas songs and Broadway show tunes, which mitigated my panic. I kept thinking, what if I died before Angus and I made up? I love my life so much and I don�t want the fun and the drama to ever end. Everyday is so full. I was seriously afraid we were going to get into a major accident. But we didn�t. It�s good to think about death sometimes, I think. And also to put yourself in slightly risky situations. It makes life so much richer.

Dave was super shocked and thrilled by his surprise party. I met his new girlfriend and I got terrific vibes from her right away. I didn�t really like his last significant other and it�s a treat to see him with someone who obviously adores him. We ate cake and drank champagne and Alamada and I made each other laugh so hard that our stomachs both hurt. Eventually the whole party rolled on over to a pub. Sean and I drank Makers and cokes and I had a delicious salad with cherry tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella. Alamada and Sean and I are thinking of doing a one off side project band�a prog rock type deal-e-o that we�d create a concept album around. Something totally overblown and Floyd-ish. Details to come soon.

Alamada drove all of us to Harvard Square where Ruhiya took the T and Sean and I went to The Border Caf� for some more Makers and cokes. God I just love the kid so much. It�s nice that we continue to get closer and closer as time goes on. I feel that way about all my friends, really. I have more emotional intimacy in my life now than I ever have before.

We closed down the bar and because it was so awful out, cabbed it back to Allston. Angus, who is I think basically hiding from me right now (poor sweet boy. I hope he�s OK.) was not there. I made a pitcher of martinis and Sean and I listened to The Vince Guaraldi trio�s Charlie Brown Christmas album. It was so warm and cozy to sit with him at the kitchen table and have a real heart to heart. Eventually as always the subject turned to music and we put on Lou Reed�s New York. We talked about Lou and about Johnny Cash and Iggy Pop and it was one of the most valuable musical discussions I may have ever had. At one point I almost asked him to play some guitar for me. Then I realized I don�t have a guitar anymore and that all the guitars are in someone else�s apartment now. This made me terribly nostalgic and Sean and I had a long talk about The Sorry Jar and about songwriting. Sean and my ex-boyfriend and Alamada, and well (lyrically anyway) myself are some of my favorite songwriters, period. I wish I had more stuff on CD from the time in my life when I was in a band, but what can you do, right? My broken (and now almost entirely mended) heart begat the amazing life I have today. You can�t have everything. There�s always a price to pay.

We retired to bed around 3AM, and I had to wake up at seven. I was desperately hoping for a snow day today, but no such luck. We had a great big hug before I went off to work and I left him sleeping and all covered up looking absolutely adorable in his blankets. I wish we lived in the same city, but I�ll be up to visit him in NYC shortly after New Years and I am sure we will go out to Coney Island, imbibe budweisers and french fries on the frozen beach and watch the ocean roll its way into the shore. Man I love that boy so fucking much. I would even safely say that if there is a completely platonic version of being in love with someone, that�s how I feel about him.