Wednesday, Oct. 08, 2003 | 11:55 AM

How do I tell this story without sounding like a pompous ass?

Perhaps I can answer that in the telling itself.

Yesterday Blondie and I did our scene for acting class. And it went very well. My teacher said he liked it a great deal and then he went on to give me some suggestions re clarifying my intention. After a few sentences he interrupted himself.

I mean, you�re very very good. You�ve got tremendous chops but let�s make it more specific OK?

He proceeded to re-direct Blondie and I. Originally I�d been sitting at a table peeling potatoes and Blondie had been on the floor playing solitaire. But my teacher told us to switch�that she should peel and I should play cards. And that we should go very very slowly and not focus on the lines at all but what we wanted the other person to feel. That the lines speak for themselves and we shouldn�t concentrate on them but rather on transmitting our intention to the other actor.

Never before have I seen someone more brilliant at work. My teacher�s intuitive understanding of both Blondie and I as actors as well as well as what the scene needed to push it to a more visceral level was just inspiring. I�ve worked with good directors before, but this is a whole new ballgame. I mean this guy is the real fucking deal�he�s incredibly successful the world over. In the theatre world, he�s famous. It�s a whole other league for me. His insight into who I am and what I need to focus on was just perfect�it was something I�d always known but couldn�t put in concrete terms. I wrote down what he said while we worked:

You have an innate gift. I mean it�s really quite wonderful and not many people have it�you have this enormous wellspring of real emotion within which to delve. It�s quite powerful and rare and you�re very lucky because it�s not something you can fake and it�s what makes an actor visceral and powerful. But I�m wondering if maybe you just tend to hydroplane off that, you know, rather than focusing on what specifically it is you�re trying to do to the other actor onstage. So in a sense you wall yourself off and get stuck and it�s not that you aren�t fun to watch, because the sheer power of what you bring to the stage is interesting. But you need to hone your intention. Don�t worry about the emotion. You have it�it�s just there. Focus on carving out the other actor. Focus on the specifics of what you are trying to do and allow your emotional intuition to underline that.

As he directed us, something marvelous happened. The scene came alive. In just a few minutes with several adjustments, I went from being interesting and fun to watch, to being something else entirely�something I never knew I had in me. I�ve always been a bit of a show off onstage without even realizing it. Always going for the pathos and the emotion, bringing it to the level of a tragic aria. �Cause you know, I have those gifts. I am a fucking emotional powerhouse and I can pull any of it�that sadness and rage and love right outta my ass whenever I need to. Not �cause I�m faking it�au contraire. It�s all just right there. I can cry on cue because I can think of a million things off the top of my head that affect me so deeply. I can stage kiss someone with all encompassing passion because I feel that kind of passion all the fucking time�sitting at my desk at work, riding the bus, whatever. I mean it�s almost impossible for me to get through real life because I�m feeling so intense all the time that it�s just all too much too handle. That�s why most people can�t deal with me and I can�t deal with them. Anyway�

In that few minutes of direction, of redefining my focus and just fucking relaxing into the scene, something magical happened. Something very very real and lacking in any pretense at all. He just knew exactly how to communicate with me. We speak the same language and I have an inherent sense of what he means. We speak the same metaphors.

In that one class it occurred to me that I could actually be a really amazing actress. I mean that I could channel characters and bring them to life, that I have some kind of purpose in this�helping to tell stories that are powerful and can change the world. I�d gotten some sense of that in Cabaret but it occurred to me in a far more specific way yesterday. That it�s not just the energy of my personality onstage or the fact that (sorry) I am an amazing singer. I�m not just a personality actor. For the first time, I feel like somebody really gets me as an artist, really knows where my potential is and can help me achieve it. Someone who can, if this makes any sense, help me find the quiet side of my self and project as much power in the silences as in the histrionics. I feel like so often people stop seeing me at the surface and don�t see what�s really going on�I feel that way about people in my life (especially the people who think they know me best) and with people I�ve worked with.

Yesterday was the least lonely I have felt in a long while. How can someone just get you like that? It felt a little bit like love at first sight. This teacher, who just can bring out the very best in me with a few sentences, somehow really and truly sees me.

Or maybe he�s just brilliant and gets everyone, I don�t know.

But I could get down on my fucking knees and kiss his feet for having given me the gift of his insight and the chance to learn from him. It�s like I woke up this morning and the world was a whole new place.