Thursday, Oct. 09, 2003 | 12:36 PM

Has anybody seen the Mr. Show sketch, New San Francisco where the Globochem corporation buys San Fran for the purpose of turning the entire city into a family theme park? They have this mock-tourism/information video about a �typical� American family stepping onto a magical pamphlet where all the characters propagating the theme park re-assure them of how safe and non-threatening everyone is. There�s Groovy Gravy the Hippie and the Gay Bachelors (We are sensitive to those tourists suffering from homophobia!) and Chinatown is redesigned so that instead of actual Chinese people, there are loveable cartoon aliens in silver lame suits serving hot and sour soup.

Globochem�s slogan for the theme park is, When you visit New San Francisco, you�ll say SANFRAN-TASTIC!

So brilliant. OK�if you haven�t seen the Mr. Show DVD�s from seasons 2 and 3 I order you to do so right now.

Anyway�

My point in bringing this up is talk a little about Kenmore Square. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that Globochem had some kind of real estate deal with the City of Boston and walked away with those few square blocks. The difference between Kenmore Square during the period I lived there (summer �97) and now is enormous. The place had so much god damned character. It was loud and nasty and noisy. You had Deli Hause, the greatest diner of all time where the waitresses were hott and surly and you could get a Guiness Float, potato latkes, and the shit kicked out of you at 2AM on a Tuesday.

And there was Planet Records, Boston�s finest vinyl store which was right underneath the tiny little punk rock studio apartment I shared with a friend. And there was The Rat, THE legendary Boston punk/indie club right across our alley. And there was dirt everywhere and those two homeless dudes on the corner of Com and Brookline Ave who had hand made cardboard guitars they�d pretend to play all AC/DC like�jumping in the air and shit. And there was of course Mr. Butch, the King of The Boston Streets who now spends most of his time in Allston since the yuppy friendly Kenmore really isn�t his kinda diggs anymore.

Kenmore Square now is just like every other dull gentrified neighborhood in Boston with it�s Copycops and Fleet Banks dotting every corner. Blech. It sucks ass.

Fuck you Globochem. Expect a battle fought to the death if you ever start sniffing around Lower Allston. We�re happy with the way things are.