Tuesday, Oct. 07, 2003 | 10:17 AM

Today Blondie and I are performing our scene for the first time during acting class. I am oddly calm about it in terms of performance anxiety. It�s not a question of whether we will be�good� or not�such terms are irrelevant. I am only concerned with channeling what is true. I am hoping to be overcome by the visceral nature of what actually occurs in the scene, and thus be able to make a larger point. I hate �acting��that fakey false pretense of reality that most �actors� perpetuate onstage or on film. That self consciousness. The older I get the more I notice it, and it literally makes me sick. To behave truthfully under pretend circumstances--- now that is ART. To annihilate one�s own ego and to use the self as a channel for something larger, something divine. To behave onstage simply and truthfully as dictated by the logic of the text.

I hope I get there eventually.