Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 | 10:58 AM

So last night my scene partner (who shall now be known as Blondie) and I got together to work. I am so glad that my professor (now christened for the purposes of this diary, Mr. Chips) assigned us to one another. I probably shouldn�t say this, but from all appearances, he paired people according to level, and (sorry to be a pompous ass but it�s just a fact) Blondie and I gave the best auditions.

We wanted to do something from a movie script. We wracked our brains and couldn�t find a single movie scene available online between two women that was both long enough and interesting enough. What a sad sad fucking commentary on Hollywood. I could think of a million scenes between a man and a woman, but none between two chicks�except Ghost World and I don�t feel comfortable playing a 17 year old right now. Which is funny because I still get told I look like I�m about 19 (it�s because I have a fat baby face). I feel much more comfortable playing roles that are older�mid twenties to forties. Of course there are several killer scenes in The Hours, but the screenplay wasn�t on the internet anywhere.

So anyway, we eventually decided to do Lillian Hellman�s The Children�s Hour, which ironically enough, I actually played a part in when I was 11 years old. I played the maniacal little shit, Mary who ruins the two teachers lives. (That was a fucking blast. There aren�t very many good malevolent children�s roles in theatre, and I was far more suited to something like that than say, Rebecca of fucking Sunnybrook Farm.)

The Children�s Hour was written in 1934 and it�s about two women, Martha and Karen who are best friends and run a girl�s school. One of their pupils, Mary is a horrible brat. However, Mary�s grandmother is the school�s chief financial benefactor and thus Martha and Karen allow Mary to get away with murder. One day, Mary runs away to her grandmother�s house. The grandmother insists she must return to school. Desperate to stay with her grandmother, Mary makes up a lie that Martha and Karen are actually lovers. The Grandmother believes Mary and tells all the rest of the parents and the rumor spreads all over town. The two women�s lives are ruined.

Now as a premise, the idea of how one small lie can ruin people�s lives is reasonably interesting. However, what makes the play incredibly powerful and so ahead of it�s time is that Martha actually is as lesbian, and actually is in love with Karen although she had never fully realized it until Mary �lied�. And so what the play is really about (and thank god for progressives like Lillian Hellman for putting this in the subtext at a time when this was an entirely revolutionary way of looking at homosexuals), is the lie society perpetuates about homosexuality. This small lie of a child is really just indicative of an entire sick culture that lies to itself, and the lies we as individuals incorporate into our daily lives� lies that cut us off from who we truly are.

I get to play Martha and Blondie is gonna be Karen and we�re doing the scene where Martha realizes she�s gay and tells Karen she�s in love with her. Oh man it is so fucking juicy. I mean�we�re talking heavy heavy shit.

What�s great is Blondie is a Meisner actor (dude, Blondie is HARDCORE�she was in Richard Kelly�s first short film and she actually studied AT the Meisner studio in L.A. She also did tons of theatre out there. It�s totally crazy working with her.) And although I don�t have nearly the experience she has, I fell in love with Meisner�s process after reading his book. And I CAN�T BELIEVE I�M ACTUALLY WORKING WITH A TRAINED MEISNER ACTOR!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!

OK, have regained measure of composure.

So Blondie�s going to take me through the whole Meisner approach to working the scene. Today after work we�re meeting up again and I am psyched.

Later tonight is karaoke, and of course it will be the first karaoke without alcohol for me. That is, if I can stick to my guns. It helps that Angus will be there because he is unimpressed with people who makes pledges to themselves and then don�t stick to them. One thing about him is he�s fucking stubborn. If he says he�s going to do something he does it. And I want him to think well of me. And that of course IS NOT my impetus for doing this as Angus could give a shit whether I drink or not�he�ll most likely be toasted at the end of the night. But it�s the idea of deciding to do something and then following through on it�especially something so small as quitting the booze for two weeks. But anyway, in weaker moments when I�m ready to waiver and accept that free long island iced tea from my adored bartender, I�ll know that Angus would lose respect for me or not take me as seriously. And sadly, in times of stress, it�s the loss of respect from someone I love that means more than the loss of my own self respect. Say about that what you will�it�s better than breaking a promise I made to myself.