Saturday, Sept. 13, 2003 | 10:19 AM

Last night I had sex. The old in and out kind of sex involving and actual penis. It felt like losing my virginity again, because as much tail as I've been getting for the last year or so, I haven't actually been penetrated.

Yesterday I fucked a complete and total stranger-- a very sweet guy who I met while I was on lunch break at work. A photographer. And he made me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet.

It was damn good sex too. I will probably never see him again.

But now I feel like I've let go of one of my last romantic visions.

Sex doesn't really mean so very much, does it? Anyone can have it. It can be good when you don't even know the person you're fucking. It's not something magical. It's just a biological function. And it's pretty much the same no matter who's doing it.

Someone said to me once,

I think of sex as being just about as important as sharing a meal with someone.

That's kind of how I feel right now.

Is sex better when you love someone? Yes it is, I think. Can it be a way of connecting spiritually between two people? Yes. Can it also just be completely and utterly casual? Yes.

I think in a sense it's good for me to separate sex from love. When I came home yesterday from my sex-capade, and I saw Angus, the fact that I'd just had random sex with a complete stranger didn't change the intensity of my feelings for him, or how much I loved him, or what he is to me, which is absolutely overwhelming sometimes because it's so intense. Sex is not love. Not at all.

Funny-- it took me so long to learn that. You know, if young women were taught this shit early on, maybe we wouldn't be so goddamned stupid and starry eyed-- maybe we wouldn't make such dumb moves in relationships.

I'm thinking that fucking random strangers is kind of fun and that maybe I'll do more of it. Being very very VERY safe of course.

God as I get older my psoitions change on so many things. It's slightly unnerving (and fascinating to an extent)