Saturday, Aug. 30, 2003 | 11:48 AM

All morning long I've been listening to the rock n' roll. I had renounced it for so long. Bad memories. Bad associateions. I'd stuck with my dear friend jazz, and any modern tin pan alley influenced rock (i.e. The Magnetic Fields, Rufus Wainwright.)and new wavey stuff (ala The Smiths, Echo and the Bunnymen.) There had been so many things I just couldn't listen to-- too painful.

Something weird's been happening to me this week where I feel like I'm getting over all of it and confronting all the demons. And today, rock 'n' roll and I became friends again.

I've been listening to Guided by Voices and The Soft Boys and Sebadoh and Yo La Tengo, and it's like seeing someone you love whom you thought was dead. I feel so good right now.

I've been reading my dear friend Joe's rock n' roll opus, Sonic Cool and am enjoying it immensely. I'd read a bunch of it while he was actually writing it, but it's amazing to see it all come together and my heart swells with pride for him. He is one of the few people I have ever met who has not compromised. He is doing what he set out to do with his life, and though the two of us are very different in certain ways, I consider him a major role model. His innate optimism and enthusiasm, his brutal honesty, and his romanticism with the crass cynical veneer are so fucking endearing I can't stand it. We've been on a good email exchange lately-- nobody writes better letters than him, and I can't wait til the next time he comes to town.

Spent majoy quality time with Debbie last night. Will be seeing Angus later today. I'm in a life loving mood right now even though I have like 8 dollars to my name.

Must continue packing.