Monday, Aug. 04, 2003 | 11:41 AM

Today I am feeling fatigued and hungry and not super terrific�healing crisis I suppose. Cleansing. It�s a good thing, but not such fun to go through in its initial stages. I�m not doing a fast or anything really extreme this time. The Mastercleanse Fast (which I highly recommend) is a terrific experience but it is most definitely NOT grounding at all�felt high as kite when I was on that, consistent religious ecstasy. Right now I need to be on planet earth. There�s lots to do. I�m moving in less than a month. There�s psychical and emotional and pragmatic issues I must deal with prior to leaving.

So I�m eating lots of fruits and veggies and taking cleansing herbs and I�m going to do a liver flush and parasite zap in the next couple days, which will most likely make me feel like total shit, but in the long term will aid my overall wellness.

(Dude�reading up on the parasite zap is liberating and frightening. This one guy who has chronic asthma and bronchial problems for years did a parasite zap, and he sneezed these two worm things right out of his fucking nose! They�d been living in his sinuses and wreaking havoc for who knows how long. He was of course grossed out. But within like a day, he felt 100% physically better than he had ever felt. Can you imagine having things living in your nose and not knowing it? That reminds of those gross crayfish beasties Ricardo Montelbahn drops in Chekhov�s ears in Star Trek II. Supposedly something like 90% of people in the world have some parasite infestation and most don�t even know it. Reading up on all this has definitely made me really queasy about eating anything. Whenever I look at a piece of bread or meat, I picture these teeny tiny little organisms crawling all over it, and it�s hard to continue eating�which in a sick way is kind of good �cause I wanna land the role of Ouisa Kittredge in September�s Six Degrees auditions, and I�m picturing her to be about 30 lbs. lighter than I am right now.)

I�m reading Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss, which I highly recommend. It makes a lot of sense to me and is helping me crystallize all kinds of life lessons. I don�t want to go into a big thing about it, but it helps you uncover archetypal patterns in your life�for instance, one of mine which made total sense to me is that whenever I go against my own personal values in my work environment, I get physically and psychically ill�that if I feel like I am prostituting myself, it has a profound effect on my ability to cope and to see things clearly, and that in my life�s work I have to feel like I am being of service�and that�s really really really really true. Working at The School of Public Health versus The Stupid Company made an enormous difference in my life. Even in theatre, my whole thing is that I have to feel that I�m in service of something higher�of telling a really important story or in service of creating an important dynamic within the cast�it can�t just be about me and my ego or I feel really drained. So now I have a simple rule to follow, which is that the number one thing for me to look for in any vocation to achieve happiness and growth is to be of service.

Anyway, if you can get past your own irony issues I really suggest reading the book and doing the exercises. I�m finding them pretty fucking profound and just from a historical theosophical aspect, Mysts�s insights into the lives of Jesus and The Buddha and Mohammed as well as many other mythological deities and religious prophets is really interesting.

I�m trying very hard to de-clutter my life and whittle down my belongings. I�m thinking of having a moving sale, except everything would be free. It would just be me sitting in my apartment with friends and friends of friends walking around and asking if they can take stuff they like.

Oh, today is Angus�s birthday so send him an e-card or call him or something if you know him personally. I think he�d really appreciate it.