Thursday, Jul. 31, 2003 | 11:52 AM

When I was a little kid, 26 seemed really old to me. I figured that when I�d be 26, I�d be at some kind of finishing line marked �Grown Up��that I�d have things all figured out.

I also remember as a little kid the dreams I had�that I�d be an actress and a singer and doing lots of interesting things all the time. There was a time I gave up on those dreams, and then I got them back again.

I feel like I�m at a serious turning point right now. I have been for a year or so�it�s been a process.

The month of August is going to be cleansing month. Body, mind and spirit.

I have a whole lot of stuff�just physical stuff that I don�t need. So many books and CD�s and knick knacks and stuff-- pictures and rugs and furniture and video tapes and boxes of crayons, and you know STUFF. Stuff that I lug with me from one place to the next.

The thing is, I think when you�ve surrounded yourself with STUFF and security and a nice lovely well decorated apartment, you�re kind of saying OK�I�m done.. You�re committing to staying in a certain place and doing a certain thing�both in a basic physical sense and metaphysically as well. You�re creating an environment and you�re placing yourself in it like another piece of furniture. I mean, there�s nothing at all wrong with that. It�s great. But if you�re in a place where you�re not done yet, if you�re wanting to maybe travel all over Europe or go do summer stock and try out for theatres all over the United States, you don�t need to have all this stuff. In fact, that stuff is the physical manifestation of putting down roots and being tied.

See, I�m just not done yet. I don�t want to settle down. I want more movement. For years I�ve been creating this settled environment for myself and defining myself by all the things that I own and how things look, and how safe having these manufactured environments made me feel. But if truth be told, the happiest times in my life have had nothing to do with any of that. For instance, the one period where John and I were truly truly happy took place in a three foot dorm room. We were mobile and we weren�t tied down. There were possibilities and we didn�t have STUFF, we had experiences. And doiung theatre and singing in clubs has nothing to do with having stuff. Fuck stuff, man.

So this month I am getting rid of lots of STUFF. If I don�t listen to CD�s, I�m selling them back to the store. If there are books I don�t read over and over again, they�re going to be sold or given away. Movies I don�t watch? Same thing. Knick Knacks? Bye bye. I�m going to make a list of all the things that I need and those are going to be the only things I take with me when I move. I want to be about 70% lighter in terms of stuff than I am right now.

I�m still growing and learning and I don�t need to spend like 500 bucks on a futon to create a nice stable living environment. I�m not going to settle down until I�ve done what I want to do. And then when I�m say 40 years old and I�ve traveled all over and done tons of theatre and all that�when I buy a house and maybe have kids, then I�ll maybe become a little more materialistic. But now I think it�s necessary to shed all that. Pare down to the bare necessities. Show the universe I�m ready to take life as it comes and explore whatever opportunity may present itself to me.

Materialism is really a metaphor for something�something about creating permanence in a world where everything is temporary�not wanting to let go. This desire to OWN things rather than experience them. I have lots I�m thinking about now. August is a crucial month.

It�s time to Un-Stuff myself.