Tuesday, Jul. 15, 2003 | 11:25 AM

HALLELUJIA!!!!!

I have been saved. Literally and totally and completely SAVED!!!!!!

My Godmother, sweet wonderful angel of a woman that she is, has agreed to loan me the money I need to pay off all the high interest debt I owe and pay her back with no interest.

Do you have any idea what this means for me? I was literally about ready to jump off a bridge because I would be worth more dead than alive�no kidding�I have a life insurance policy that would have paid everything off and I was literally at the point where I would have offed myself because I had absolutely no other option whatsoever. And the whole situation was depressing me to such an extent that I literally was about to have a nervous breakdown. Debt consolidation wouldn�t have helped me. I couldn�t declare bankruptcy because the debt was also in someone else�s name, and the point was to make sure he didn�t get screwed. I was up against a brick wall.

This has been weighing on me and weighing on me. I haven�t even talked about all the extremes to which I�ve gone to get money for this. And now not only do I not have to worry about this anymore,. I can start afresh!!!!!

Literally and figuratively, all slates are clean!!!!!

Part of me feels like I really don�t deserve this stroke of kindness�I mean I really really don�t. So I have to sit down and think about what I can do karmatically to set things right�I have to help people the way that I�ve been helped.

Oh fucking Christ I am crying with relief right now. I had never been more scared in my 26 years. Now an entire chapter of my life is now over. And I can officially get on with things!