Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2003 | 3:19 PM

I work for Harvard University, home of the world�s (supposedly) best and brightest minds.

So please tell me why it is necessary to have a sign next to the toaster in the cafeteria depicting which food items can and cannot be inserted into said toaster. There is literally a picture of a doughnut with a line through it so that unassuming PhD candidates won�t inadvertently burn down the building after having stuffed a Krisy Kreem into the slot.

Was this a problem in the past? Were people placing apples and candy corns and everlasting Gobstoppers in 350 degree heat unaware that it might gum up the machinery? Did the Deans have to have a meeting about this to determine how the problem could be dealt with? And if everyone here is so smart, why couldn�t they just post a written sign? I�m assuming everyone who goes to school here knows how to read.

But I�ve been wrong before.