Monday, Apr. 14, 2003 | 5:57 PM

I am so hungry now I could eat a human cadaver. But hunger be damned. I�m waiting to eat until Jonee comes by. (Now that I think about it, I haven�t eaten in a really long time�like more than 24 hours. I�ve been too preoccupied with other things.)

I just had an eventful trip to Newbury Comics.

On my way out the door, I ran smack into Natalie Portman, who of course goes to Harvard and lives in my neighborhood. This is the first time I�ve ever seen her in person. She is tiny. I mean, teeny itsy bitsy Keebler Elf tiny. And cute as a kitten. I think I oggled a little too long. It�s not so much that I�m a star fucker, as when I see someone I�m used to seeing only on the big screen and then there they are a normal person right in front of me, my synapses go a little kablooey. She was with some guy who looked smitten with her.

The second weird thing that happened was that as I went into the Garage and walked through the food court area, and past a table of 15 or 16 year old boys, I overheard the following as one of the boys gestured to me,

See, that girl�s kinda pretty in a fat sort of way.

Um� thanks, I guess.

I�m choosing to take that as a compliment.

My mood at the moment is ecstatic. I have decided to enjoy the unforeseen infatuation I have with my co-star. It�s not that I�m still not crushing on Mr. Wonderful�but I don�t get to kiss Mr. Wonderful everyday. And Mr. Wonderful doesn�t sing to me with pleading wide eyes. And Mr. Wonderful doesn�t take my hand and caress my palm. Of course my co-star isn�t doing those things to me per se�it�s his character reacting to my character. And yet, I don�t think he would voluntarily tongue kiss me if he didn�t dig me just a touch. Thing is, he�s so not my type, or rather, what my type usually is. But all of a sudden yesterday, while he was singing, it dawned on me that he was one of the most beautiful men I�d ever laid eyes on. Is that strange? I don�t know what�s come over me. I think it�s most likely how comfortable we�ve gotten with our characters, and it�s a natural progression that I should suddenly identify so much with Fraulein Schneider that I would fall so hard for Herr Schultz, because we infuse so much of who we are into the roles we play. It�s no surprise how often this sort of thing occurs in theatre and in the cinema.

But see, I still am crushy on Mr. Wonderful, and the other night I made out with a boy, and while I was making out with him, I felt all crushy on him too. I�ve become terribly fickle. Maybe that�s who I am naturally and I�ve just been denying that part of myself all this time. I just have all of this love and affection to give and there�s so much about everyone to appreciate.

But I will say that right now, my co-star ranks number one in my heart.

No rehearsal tonight. And tomorrow we�re running act II which means no kissing either. But Wednesday is the singing rehearsal with the orchestra, so although I won�t get to make out with the boy, I will get to sing to him and he�ll get to sing o me�about pineapples and marriage and falling in love and all sorts of other yummy silly romantic things.