March 05, 2003 | 12:49 PM

I am so hungry today. Jesus Christ. I just ate a chicken pot pie and now I wanna go get a sandwich. Weird. I never eat like this anymore. But today�

Can I just say how awesome rehearsal is? For the umpteenth time it�s a JOY to work with so many gifted people. I love it. It�s like playtime. Being able to be so creative with a group of really talented actors and singers is the GREATEST thing ever. I am in the best mood right now. The best. I can�t stop dancing in my seat. I even LOOK good today. I�ve been looking like crap over the past couple weeks. But today I�ve already gotten five compliments. Nice, huh? I know that shiite shouldn�t matter, but it does. It feels good.

I am so in lust right now with Mr. Wonderful. I mean viscerally in lust. I can�t stand it but it feels so good to want so much. I haven�t been fixated on one person like this is such a long time�just wanting to fuck him. Whole body aching for him. Tongue tied crazy blushing falling all over myself wanting him.

GAHHHHHHH!!!!!

And NOT wanting a relationship. That feels so good. I still want to sleep with other people and make out with them and I am doing it but being fixated on bedding Mr. Wonderful has added a new rosy glow to my existence.

I keep dreaming about him.

I feel so good today. I love it when these days come around. It makes up for all the bad shit. I love being able to feel everything so fucking intensely. It sucks when things hurt, but when I�m happy I�m SO HAPPY. When I love I love SO MUCH. I actually kinda feel sorry for people who are always logical and rational and don�t have these kinds of swings. I think they�re missing out on what it�s really like to live.