February 25, 2003 | 10:12 AM

So the last six weeks or so, I�ve been on a bit of a sexual rampage. I haven�t really talked about it here. I didn�t even go into to it too much in my (now defunct) �secret diary�. I�ve been fooling around with men. With women. People I know and love. Strangers in bars. What have you. Aggressively pursuing whomever I fancy at the time and being pursued. And it�s been fun. Tasting and knowing so many different people, like going into an ice cream shop and being able to sample all the flavors. Such a wide variety. Some experiences so romantic and sweet and familiar. Some hard and dirty and selfish and needy.

And I believe it has culminated with something that happened a few days ago.

I walked into a room and there he was. He being a total stranger. Someone I�ve never seen before. He was sitting on a folding chair thumbing through a book, and upon first glance the orchestra swelled in my heart,

I�m wild again
Beguiled again
A simpering whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

Something about him I can�t put my finger on. Body and soul ached with the fever of wanting him. This hasn�t happened to me in, well� years. I�ve had strong feelings for people and fallen in love with people. But this kind of intensive all encompassing crush that hits you over the head at first sight where your body shakes and your eyes shimmer and your lips quiver and everything in you just goes POP like a champagne bottle.

And it�s not in that �Hey that guy�s pretty hott� way. Usually I�m not really all that impressed with people�s physical appearances until I know them better. And it wasn�t that he�s gorgeous or anything (although he is quite attractive- especially the crinkles around his eyes and his smile and his arms�.. oooooooooooh!) but just something about him�something that emanated from him.

And the thing is, (and I know this for an absolute fact) nothing is ever going to happen between myself and Mr. Wonderful. I mean nothing. I don�t know how I know this, but I just do. I�m not putting myself down�I have a certain something about me that some people find devilishly attractive, and in my own weird fleshy vulnerable insane-girl way I�m desirable. But I am 99.9% sure that I am not Mr. Wonderful�s type. He doesn�t even know that I exist.

For the past five nights, I�ve dreamed about him. I want to suck on his pouty lower lip and stroke his hips and listen to his voice. And it�s never gonna happen. But that�s ok. Sometimes just the longing, that desire, that bitter sweet agony of carnality is almost enough.

Almost.