February 24, 2003 | 12:15 PM

So yeah�yesterday was my first Cabaret rehearsal. And it was AMAZING. First rehearsal of course was just a read through, and yet still it was like magic. I love my role so much. I love the music so much.

I am just so god damned glad to be involved in theater again.

I didn�t realize how BIG a deal this production is. It�s kind of intimidating�like one of the leads in the show is a full time actor. His day job is being in Blue Man Group. How cool is that? Can you imagine having your job be putting on blue paint and playing drums and having a good time on stage? In fact a lot of people who are involved with the production have full time jobs revolving around theater. One of the Kit Kat Klub dancers� sister is in a Broadway musical right now. It�s crazy. I am one of the cast members with the least amount of experience. There�s some incredibly talented people in the cast. I am so excited to be working with everyone.

Dude, I still cannot believe I scored such a wonderful role. I have four songs�two of them solos and two of them duets. My character is complex and interesting. The character was originated on Broadway by Lotte Lenya, who basically embodied the Weimar era and was married to Kurt Weill.

One thing I have to do is perfect my German accent, as it seems muddled to me, although I got a nice compliment on it from the director. Have to buy some dialect tapes. Also I wanna learn some of the language�just rudimentary stuff.

The play is so dark and so sad, and so relevant to what is going on in the world right now. It�s a lot to delve into. Very scary stuff. I�ve become obsessed by it. Reading up on the era as much as possible, listening to the music of the time period, going over and over the script. It�s harrowing really. I wish I had seen Alan Cumming do the MC on Broadway before he left the show. I�m actually going to New York for my birthday to stay with lovely Sean, and I�m thinking if possible I might go see the show while I�m there, although right now Deborah Gibson is playing Sally Bowles, which is just a travesty.

It�s wonderful when you re-find your calling. I wish I could spend all day on this play. Now that it�s started, I am eating, sleeping and breathing it. Everything else has become irrelevant, which is exactly what I needed. And it�s refreshing to meet new people�not that I don�t love my friends dearly, but it�s wonderful for the first time in three years to spend time with people who didn�t go to one of two colleges, or work at a certain company, or date people who did those things.

I already have two friends in the cast�we went out to dinner last night. It was great the way we hit it off.

And, on a completely unrelated note, I would like to announce that I have a major crush on someone, and it�s not someone anyone I know knows or has dated. Incest be damned!

PS�I have decided that sometime in the next month or so, I will be having a Weimar Republic party. This entails dressing up and mad debauchery.