February 13, 2003 | 10:23 AM

My geekiness is rearing it�s head finally after years of me attempting to squash it down and play it all hip.

Yeah, I love indie rock and jazz and all that. I really do.

But my first realest truest love in the world is the musical. And I am flying my theater-geek flag high and all the rest of you Hipper-Than-Thou folks can kiss my ass. Because baby, my ass is alive with the sound of music and june is busting out all over and life is a cabaret old chum so come to the cabaret.

Last night I watched the �Women of Broadway� concert in Carnegie Hall and I was in sheer orgasmic heaven. I wound up literally jumping on my bed and doing grand jettees around my apartment at 2:30 in the morning.

Elaine Stritch did a hell of a job singing �The ladies Who Lunch� from Company-- that woman has so much God damned presence and her delivery is so throw away flawless�I love how she acts her way through a song.

And Lea Delaria doing �I Can Cook� was awe inspiring. I saw her sing it on Broadway a couple years ago. That woman can scat. Jesus Christ.

OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT FOR CABARET REHEARSALS TO KICK OFF.

I�m going to say something that�s going to sound ultra silly here, but I don�t care.

I am going to make my living as a singer and actress, either on Broadway or somewhere else reputable. Yes I am. I don�t know how it�s going to happen, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will, and it has become clearer and clearer to me over the past month. It is my greatest highest destiny. It is absolutely what I am here to do. And within the next five years, I will be doing it. No more day jobs. No more thinking about law school. NOTHING makes me happier or more alive than performing. And I am going to do it full time. And I am going to be a ravishing fucking success.

I had a dream last night that I moved to New York and was living with Sean in Park Slope. Who the hell knows? I�m trusting my instincts. They never lead me astray.