February 04, 2003 | 6:46 PM

Boy golly I just got the greatest email from my friend Joe the rock critic. I love that guy so fucking much. I wish Portland were closer because besides my sister, nobody makes me laugh the way he does.

He told me about a cover of "When Doves Cry" by Patti Smith that sounds absolutely delightful. The first thing I am doing at work tomorrow is downloading it from Kazaa.

I stayed up super late last night with my sister and we had such a wonderful talk-- all about our family dynamic. It was really enlightening. We drank screwdrivers and ate potatoes and chocolate cake and brisquit (is that how you spell it? Oh well-- this ain't no spelling bee. It's my diary and I am the supreme judge and jury. If I wanna spell brisquit z-l-o-k-w-e-e-x, I fucking can.)

There are so many parties coming up and I am mucho excited for all of them. Tomorrow I'm headin' over to Josh's for a mid-week drink fest, and then this coming weekend is the Halloween in July in February party over at V52. And then the week after that is Black Valentines Day at Tara and Kelly's (co hosted by Debbie of course.)

Dude I'm so all about Black Valentines Day. I have many reasons to celebrate that. And I don't mean morosely crying into my beer because BOO HOO I didn't get a candygram from anyone. I mean CELEBRATING. I'm gonna kick up my heels and do a little jig and get my drink on and maybe kiss some boys or girls. I feel liberated from identifying with tacky middlebrow nonsense-- and I ain't no bitter beatrice with anger in her heart over happy couples and their matching furniture and weekly scheduled sex dates.

I love Valentines Day. It's silly and syrupy and sugary sweet and I'm gonna milk it for all it's post modern ironical Hallmark eye rolling value.

I'll buy you all hollow chocolate hearts, and no-- there's no sybolism in that.