January 13, 2003 | 11:54 AM

This is something I wrote this morning that I was originally not going to post here, but then I changed my mind:

Yesterday night Jonee and I went out for drinks at Charlie�s and we had an amazing conversation that produced in me a great many revelations. Jonee is truly one of the wisest and kindest and least judgmental people I have ever met. Over beers (me) and vodka tonics (him) we discussed the nature of depression.

Jonee had been depressed for a long time and he worked his way out of it by understanding how his behavior affected others, and the fundamentally narcissistic quality of depression. That it takes a certain amount of discipline to stop gazing inward all the time and instead focus on the outside world. That the cycle of depression begins with the tape loop of self focused thought.

Everything he said made so much sense. And the way he speaks is so serene and without reproach towards the listener (in this case me) that I was able to take it all in without feeling put on the defensive. As I said, he doesn�t judge, and that makes his advice/comments easy to take. Also, he speaks in universals as opposed to telling me personally what I should do with my life, so I don�t feel condescended to. Another thing that�s great about speaking with Jonee is that he asks a lot of questions and is genuinely concerned with the answers. He challenges my statements in a kind way as opposed to being on the attack. Dialoguing with him allows me to question my own beliefs, which I very seldom do when having that kind of discussion.

I feel like I can really learn a lot from him. I admire his patience and his real consideration for other people. Those are qualities I would like to have�not that I don�t care about people or that I�m not kind, but that sometimes I am so focused on my own thoughts that I forget that anyone else exists besides me.

I�ve had similar thoughts about depression before but hearing someone I love and trust lay it out so plainly really got me thinking in a different way than I ever have.

I told him about how when I�m depressed I become really paranoid and think that everyone is mad at me which further isolates me. And Jonee said,

You know that�s ridiculous.

Which made me feel great.

Today I feel terrific. My house is spotless. My sister�s plane lands in less than six hours, my hair is a beautiful shade of crimson and I have the cutest bangs, and I listened to the Smiths on the way to work.

YAY.

I think a new project I�m going to do is write down a list of all the people I love and/or admire, and all of the traits for which I love and admire them, and then make a practiced effort to cultivate those traits and aspects of character�I don�t mean personality (i.e. �fun at parties�), but character, in myself.

(PS-- Charlie's really and truly does have the best jukebox ever. Last night they played Patti Smith and Jane's Addiction and a whole bunch of other amazing stuff. I think I might take my sister there tonight.)

(PPS-- I'll post the results of the game before I leave work today)