Monday, Oct. 25, 2004 | 11:40 AM

So here�s a question that I�ve been mulling over.

Do you think it�s that the more you love someone the better the sex is, or are love and sex separate in the sense that you can have amazing sex with someone you don�t give a fuck about and bad sex with someone you really really love? And if you happen to wind up with someone whom you truly love and with whom the sex is mind-blowing then you just happened to get lucky?

Now, I�ve had a lot of sex with a lot of different people. And a lot of that sex was pretty damned anonymous. The anonymous sex was usually fun, but hollow. It was fast food assembly line sex. So I have trouble buying the notion that sex can be great when it�s just Sex and not love too. Maybe that�s just me though. I love the emotional psychodrama of fucking someone whom you would lay down a god damned railroad track for if it would help them.

Then there are people who say stuff like, �I love my husband very much but we just don�t connect in the bedroom.�

What the fuck does that mean? To me, if something is wrong in the bedroom, then something is profoundly WRONG. I feel like in a relationship, there�s a holistic element to the way different parts function. If you open up your whole body and heart and soul to another person, then the sex will be great and so will everything else.

The reason I can have such good sex with Matt is because I have absolutely no self consciousness, and because I know hew loves and accepts me and wants me.

Oh wow�he�s the best. He just sent me an email and it ended with this:

Thank you for everything my empress-genius-earthmother-goddess wife

SWOON.

Our Mid East Up show is tonight. Please come.