Tuesday, Oct. 19, 2004 | 12:37 PM

I�ve been a bad bad girl and I�m sorry. Will you forgive me for not updating?

I knew you would.

What have I been up to? Love, love, and more love. There have been many trips to the library and to the swimming pool. These have been dinner parties and shows and shopping excursions. There have been gourmet desserts and lots of cooking. If I was a good cook before, I am now metamorphosing into a GREAT cook. I make Matt dinner almost every day. Not that he ever asks me to, but I enjoy it so much. And we�re on the same schedule so it�s easy for me. It feels like doing a wonderful art project on a daily basis. I�ve been making up my own recipes too. He does all the cleaning up (that works for me.) It�s been a lovely arrangement.

We buy each other things all the time. Plants and candy and music and movies. Our relationship is very traditional and I�m surprised at how well that works. And he�s so romantic�he gets ever more so as we continue to be together. The other night as he kissed every inch of me he referred to me as his �beautiful wounded little girl.� He makes me feel so safe and so loved. As far as he is concerned I am the only woman in the world. It feels so good to not have to compete with anyone else. I win simply by being myself� I don�t have to be prettier or thinner or anything-er.

So what else is going on�

We redecorated our bedroom. It is full of plants and flowers, all of which have names: Beatrice, Madeline, Kiki, Samantha, Dimitri, and Sophie. There is a giant Indian tapestry on the wall and many candles all around. We do not allow any (cigarette) smoking in there either. It is a wonderful room�an island.

Wedding plans move forward. We are going to be married by a shaman. Guest lists are being made. Music is being picked out. I am so proud to be his wife.

We have a show at the Middle East Upstairs on Monday with Stereo Soul Future.

I have a new black velvet dress that laces up the front like a corset. It is very Stevie Nicks.

I am very very happy and trying to clean up all the residue from when I wasn�t so happy. I feel like I learn more about myself and the world every day. I feel very blessed and lucky. I dunno�it probably doesn�t make for such great writing.

I�ve been listening to The Byrds and The Kinks and The Carpenters and The Burning Brides and Etta James and the Stones and Led Zeppelin. I have sex every day. I just finished reading another biography of Eva Le Gallienne. In my freezer are tiny miniature cheesecakes and on my bed are clean sheets. Life is simple and life is good.

My drummer�s van is broken and unfixable now though, which is a serious problem.