Wednesday, Sept. 08, 2004 | 3:06 PM

Band practice last night was one of the most fun band practices I�ve ever had. I didn�t register until I was actually there how much I had missed our music while I was on vacation.

After practice I went to Matt�s new apartment. We went into the wrong building at first and tried to unlock someone else�s door (by accident.)

Surreal.

I�m feeling jumpy and nervous right now. I have so much to plan and to do, and it feels like a big fucking headache. I want to marry Matt because I love him and he�s my counterpart in all ways. But there�s so much bullshit malarkey that goes with it in terms of the process of getting the wedding together. And I want to have a nice wedding with friends and family etc. but I don�t want to lose sight of the fact that this is about me and Matt and not about some fucking Better Homes and Gardens who-has-the-perfect-canap�s-and-flowers contest. I totally understand why folks run away to Vegas and have Elvis perform their wedding. I don�t want to deal with other people�s expectations or wants. I just want to be with Matt for the rest of my life. That�s it.

Also, I have to clean up all my financial bullshit before I do this and the thought of untangling that rat�s nest gives me a headache the size of Mount Olympus. I have to do it anyway whether I marry Matt or not, but the fact that we�re getting married makes the need to square it all away quite prescient. Matt of course has perfect credit and is the most financially responsible person I�ve ever met�he actually saves money. He pays all his bills on time. This is something that I have not gotten the hang of. (understatement of the year. )There�s always that brand new CD, or a political party to give money to, or a round of drinks to buy, or a meal I don�t feel like preparing and would rather spend forty bucks on in a restaurant. I really don�t know how I tare through money the way I do. There was one point in my life where I was becoming at least semi responsible about these types of things. But it had more to do with me having a giant stick up my ass and suffering from severe depression than it had to do with any positive decision to simply take care of business.

I just feel really nervous right now. Blah.

We have a show at O�Briens on Friday night and you should come.