Thursday, May. 06, 2004 | 12:01 PM

He�s so passionate and so romantic. He said while we were together yesterday afternoon,

I want to walk in English gardens with you.

And he loves me. Beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that he does. I almost don�t know how to handle it. It�s very strange to be loved like this. To have been chosen by someone who treats you like the most precious thing in the world.

And I don�t want to go into too much detail, but I get what �making love� is now. I feel so safe with him. He loves me exactly as I am. I don�t have to be thinner or prettier or anything else. When we�re together in that way, it�s like a religious experience. The things he says. The way he touches me. I almost started crying yesterday. I don�t know. I didn�t know it could be like this. His face is so open. His eyes so full of love. I trust him with every fiber in my body.

And he�s worried about me. Worried about my drinking. Worried about my substance abuse. Worried that I don�t get enough sleep. Worried about my eating disorder. And he�s concerned�really and truly concerned. I�ve chosen someone good for me. Someone who actually goes to bed at a reasonable hour, drinks moderately, saves money, has goals, gets straight A�s, tells the truth, and wants to love me and take care of me.

And I feel like I gotta straighten up and fly right. Not so that he�ll like me better, but because I want to be present and real and not a fuck up. And the thought that he�s actually spending time worrying about me, that my behavior is causing him distress, pains me like nothing else ever has.

I�ve never had someone want to take care of me before. Maybe it�s OK to let myself be taken care of.

Everything in my world is exactly right. I never knew I could possibly be so happy. I feel like I keep learning more and more, opening up more and more to some divine truth that I�ve been searching for my whole life.

It�s true that love conquers all. I just didn�t know what love was before and I looked for it in all the wrong places.

I�m so glad we�ve found each other.