Sunday, May. 02, 2004 | 10:06 AM

Oh god the depression. I feel sick. No no it�s not about Matt (still haven�t heard anything, which is what I planned on�I told him not to talk to me for a week or so.) It�s the play ending. I didn�t figure it would hit me like this. But I am sick with it.

Best acting I�ve ever done in my life was last night. Beyond a shadow of a doubt it was superb. No kidding. Reached a level I�ve never gotten to. Had the audience in my fucking palm. What happened between Eric and Chris and I in that scene was the work of the Gods. Everyone was floored. I didn�t know we could find that. I mean, the scene had been fucking great anyway�really. It had been stunning. Yesterday though�my fucking God. I�m not exaggerating when I say that it was genius. I�ve never walked off stage and been 100% satisfied with my work before. Not until last night. Now I know what acting is. I wish that my fucking ART teacher had been there. I hope I can do this every time I�m onstage now. I was fearless. Absolutely fearless. It was so visceral and powerful and sure and

After it was over was the cast party and all I wanted to do was talk about acting. I am OBSESSED with acting. I can�t tell you the countless number of hours I sat and developed this character. I had been obsessing for the last week over whether she was a democrat or a republican; this was keeping me up nights. (Finally had an epiphany that she was a dem obsessed with the kennedys and that her husband was a nixonian republican) Anyway�so Eric (who played my husband) and I holed up into a corner at the party and had a marathon conversation about technique. He is truly brilliant and his insight is superb. He was so outstanding yesterday that it was unreal.

God I love acting and I love this show.

My mother came on Friday and yesterday. She loved Friday but she was blown away by last night.

I�m existing on an hour and a half of sleep right now. More on all this later.