Sunday, Mar. 14, 2004 | 11:30 AM

So Matt came over last night and made me dinner to celebrate my birthday. He made fajitas. He brought all the groceries with him. And he bought me Hair-- the double deluxe addition CD for my birthday, which was very sweet of him.

And we had THE TALK. You know�The Talk about our Relationship.

And I knew exactly how this talk was going to go. And it wasn�t upsetting in the least.

The gist of it was something like this:

Anna, you are the most amazing person I�ve ever met. I love you. Everyone loves you. I think you are beautiful and magnetic. I have never met anyone like you. You�re a rock star. But I just need to be free. I don�t think I could give you what you want. And I�m at a stage where I need to fuck around with a lot of different people. I�m still just finding out what I need. And I want you to be happy. As much as I love you, I would be happy for you if you found the RIGHT person for you, which I don�t think I am. I would be so happy if you finally got together with someone who treated you the way you need to be treated. Someone who could see the magnificence of who you are and was at a place where they could really celebrate that�

All fine and good�and it wasn�t like I didn�t know this, you know? And everything he said was so beautiful, and I felt like he really meant it. He wasn�t just trying to be nice. I know he loves me. And I know that he thinks I�m amazing. When he said It�s not you, it�s me, which I�ve gotten before and has sent my bullshit detector into red alert mode, I knew he really and truly meant it. It�s almost as though he was saying he wishes he was the right person for me and I for him, but he knows that�s not the case.

We had a wonderful evening and I felt so close to him. And I love him and he�s the best friend I�ve ever had on so many levels. Really, the conversation doesn�t change anything. Except I guess it kind of does. Because now it�s all out on the table.

Be forewarned, I am just going to whine for a moment.

I�ve gotten this my whole life. I�m not stupid. I know that people think I�m awesome, and even more so lately I�ve realized that I have a pretty intense presence. There are men who are fascinated by me. And who want to fuck me. And who love me. BUT NOBODY has ever actually wanted to be with me for any length of time. I mean nobody.

This isn�t the worst thing in the world. I�ve gotten very good at making friends out of lovers. I�ve gotten very good at dealing with this. And you know as I�ve said�I have soooooooo much going on in my life right now and so many things to accomplish, that I really can�t be in a romantic relationship with anyone anyway. And I�m still dealing with the residue and shakedown of a seven year relationship. Yeah�it ended almost two years ago and I�m over him and we�re friends. But that was an intense fucking situation on so many levels. And I don�t know if I�m ready to jump into anything real and committed with anyone else.

But this still sucks in a way. I�m wondering if there will ever be anyone who will be able to love me and be with me. Maybe that person is out there waiting. And when it�s right it will happen.

In the meantime, I am surrounded by amazing men who adore me and you know�that�s not so bad, right?

Tomorrow I will be 27, the age at which rock stars die.