Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 | 12:18 PM

Just having that one rehearsal last night made everything better. I keep coming back to this�it�s gotta be about work for me. And now that I have a play and a band it will be easier to not focus on dumb bullshit. Of course, I�m in a band with someone whom I�m crazy about and this complicates matters a touch, but the upside to that is onstage I�m sure we�ll sizzle.

You know�if romance happens, it happens. Yippy. But it�s not something to spend any time thinking about. I certainly don�t think about my friendships like that. I don�t obsess about becoming friends with someone. So should it be for romance.

And now I have things that I can healthily obsess about. Music and theatre.

It�s funny �cause Matt�s actually a workaholic pretty much. He�s happy to practice like 7 hours a day. He�s also a straight A student and has a job. He has trouble relaxing and letting go. Music is his primary obsession. If he�s writing a song and he can�t get it right, his mind will be completely preoccupied with it. He drives himself crazy�he�s like Billy Corgan or Brian Wilson or one of those people whose whole being is immersed in music. And I�m not exaggerating. I�ve never seen anyone so intense about something before. He needs to take time out from that and get away from it�cooking, karaoke, going to movies, etc. I think being with someone would probably do him a world of good.

Whereas for me, I feel like obsessing about music and theatre is a vacation from the obsession with personal relationships. It�s such a healthier vehicle for me to pour that type of energy into. And the thing is, because my ego is so healthy in respect to my artistic talent, I don�t get fucked up about it. I don�t worry about whether I�m �good� or anything like that. I�m just obsessed with the process and with the joy of doing it. My ego is not so healthy in terms of romantic crap (understatement of the year) and thus the obsession is negative.

Matt�s artistic ego isn�t healthy in the way mine is. He doesn�t see how amazing he is. He�s terrified that his art is worthless, which is ridiculous since he�s pretty much a genius. But what are you going to do? I like stroking people�s egos and I�m not lying to him when I tell him that he�s fabulous, brilliant, and so forth.

We�re pretty well matched in a lot of ways, and we work together exceptionally well.

If I keep the art as focus, the relationship will take care of itself.