Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2004 | 10:23 AM

So.

Yesterday was my last acting class of the semester. And I and my scene partner performed. And we were quite simply amazing. It was the best work I had ever done, hands down.

After the scene I had a bit of a chat with my teacher. And my teacher is a serious professional-- he's hardcore-- you might even know who he is if I told you his name. I have an enormous amount of respect for him. He's brilliant and I'm not saying that in the light exaggerating manner I tend to overuse when I am feeling enthusiastic. I mean the man is actually a genius. He has directed plays that are revolutionary in their scope. He's on the cutting edge of the theatre world.

Anyway, he really thinks I have talent, and that I have finally galvanized that talent and am in the process of honing it into something powerful. And he wanted to know what had changed for me from the beginning of the semester-- why my work has gotten so much better.

And I told him about how I had fallen in love in a way I'd never experienced before. That I had relinquished emotional control and ego and that I was just focused on taking care of this person whom I adore without having an agenda or concern for getting anything in return. And I realized that I needed to do that as an actor as well. That my biggest problem had been that I was stuck in my own head. Rather than being intimately connected to the other person onstage, I was trying to drive the emotional bus of the scene by myself. And I had done that in my life before I met Matt. I didn't realize how selfish I was. How scared. How many walls I had put up.

Yesterday's class was a wonderful experience and it capped off everything I've been learning. You know, the more generous you are, the more you give, the more you care, the more you forgive, the less you judge, the less concerned you are about being impressive, the less attached you are to any specific desire, the better things work out for you. I can feel it happening in all areas of my life.

I'm thinking about quitting my job and studying at the American Repertory Theatre full time. I think this is my calling and I am almost ready to take full responsibility for it.