Monday, Jan. 19, 2004 | 1:29 AM

I had the most wonderful WONDERFUL day. Matt and his best and oldest friend, D. and I went to see LOTR (it was my 6th time) and I got more out of it than I ever have before. I cried three times during the movie, and it was such a visceral experience for me. I think it�s because I performed last night and when I perform, I get myself into a very vulnerable and open state.

After LOTR, the three of us went out for dinner and it was lovely. I just got home.

I feel cushioned in a net of love and support beyond anything I have ever felt. I credit having met Matt with giving me access to the most compassionate part of myself�the part I�ve always aspired to but have failed at fully attaining. I just love him so much and our friendship means the world to me. I am a better human being thanks to him, and what�s so funny is he doesn�t even realize it. He wrote me an email today before we got together in response to something I�d written him, and he told me that he was amazed at my compassion. Over the past several months, selfless Compassion (with a capital c) is something I�ve aspired to, but what he doesn�t get is that meeting him was truly the key to unlocking that side of myself. He has allowed me to stop being selfish, and that has spilled into all areas of my life. I don�t think I�ve ever been capable before of truly selfless giving�I mean, where you have no agenda at all. But he touches me in such a profound way.. He has allowed me to unlock something in myself that I hadn�t been able to find previously. He, without even realizing it, has helped me to be my most high minded, kind self. I love him so much for it.

When I am with him, time stops. When I am with him, the world becomes techincolor. When I am with him, my ego is shoved aside and all that is left is truth and beauty and everything good. I have never felt like this. I have never felt so truly whole and good in the presence of another person. I have never allowed myself to be so utterly vulnerable. It�s like my whole life I was building up to meeting him and attaining his love and friendship and this relationship has reinvented the wheel. Quite simply, I adore him.