Wednesday, Jan. 14, 2004 | 11:46 AM

Last night was acting class and it went very very well. After class, my scene partner and I rehearsed and it was honestly the best work I have ever done. I think the reason for that was what happened Monday night. Forgiveness is a really powerful thing, and letting go of old emotional baggage makes for a freer flow of energy.

Forgiving and being forgiven feels really good. I highly recommend it. We�re all just human beings after all, and we all do incredibly fucked up shit. We�re all complicated. We�re all heroes and we�re all villains. I think that just admitting the truth and being honestly remorseful about it can make an enormous difference. Intelligent, creative people especially have a great capacity for rationalization and I think a lot of times we tend to hide behind these well thought out justifications or ethical technicalities in order to distance ourselves from the pain we�ve caused someone else, and in turn that pain we�ve caused ourselves by hurting another person whom we love. There are some instances where there are definite codes of right and wrong, but most of the time we�re in gray areas. There are just so many components that go into the making of any significant choice. And sometimes the end may justify the means. Sometimes you can go back and clean up the bloodsdhed that the means induced. Sometimes. If you�re real fucking honest with yourself. No sugar coating. No rationalizations. Core emotional truths as opposed to moral/philosophical explanations are often a force powerful enough to vaporize the hurt.

That�s why I love theatre�it�s wonderfully amoral and deals with the entire three dimensional universe of humankind. We are capable of so many amazing things and we all have dark sides. Own your darkside. Don�t explain it away. Don�t justify it. It�s so much more endearing and forgiveable.

I have some more unfinished business in my life and I want to close out all of it, but I have a very strong sense that I can�t be the person to initiate it. That�s OK though�I truly think things work out for the best and whatever needs to happen will happen. In any case, I feel really good about so many things right now and the fact that yesterday I could listen to old recordings that John and I made without feeling like a giant needle was piercing me in the chest�that I could in fact, actually enjoy them and be inspired by them�was a major leap forward for me. It�s so awful to feel such hurt over something that was a major part of your life, and although I would be lying if I said I�m totally out of the woods (Rome wasn�t built in a day) I have reached the outskirts of the forest and can see the horizon looming in the distance.