Saturday, Dec. 27, 2003 | 10:04 PM

You know what I feel like doing right now? I feel like making love. I don�t mean fucking. I�m talking about that soul sharing experience where you really join with another person.

Something else I�d love to do today would be to sleep with someone�just sleep. Sleep and hold someone in a totally unsexual, utterly platonic way.

I like sleeping next to Sean. It always makes me happy to roll over in the middle of a dream and look at him. Same thing with Danni, who is in India for the next two years, and thus sleeping next to her is out. I would loooove to sleep next to Matt. I would love to put my head on his sweet chest and listen to him breathe in the darkness. And I would be chaste as hell�no kidding. But how do you broach something like that without seeming creepy? I guess you just have to allow the friendship to evolve naturally to the point where both people feel comfortable.

I miss Matt already. He�s leaving tomorrow. I love our relationship. I love being with him. I love how it�s all unfolding namelessly and naturally into whatever it is. I love being allowed to love so deeply without being afraid.

I wonder what the Emerson hottie from last night is doing this evening. Maybe I should have gotten his phone number? Oh well.

I just wrote Matt a heart-on-my-sleeve email. I had a heart-on-my-sleeve phone call with Angus a little while ago. When I called, he was painting and cooking spaghetti sauce from scratch. What a fucking sweetheart. I�d like to sleep next to him tonight if he were here, but unfortunately we have a tough time being chaste, and oddly I feel the need to be chaste right now. Unless of course we�re talking about the Emerson hottie. I�d throw all caution to the wind if he were here.

One of my New Years resolutions this year is to have a soul shattering love making session with someone I care about deeply. I don�t know who the person will be or when or where, but I�m just tossing that wish out to the universe and waiting for it to come back to me.