Saturday, Dec. 06, 2003 | 6:18 PM

I just went to the corner store to purchase some libations and man is it fucking freezing and snowy out. I emailed Matt, the boy from the bus, a nice semi-long chatty email. I suppose I could call him, but I hate calling boys I like. I get so nervous and I start saying dumb things and giggling like a fool. He asked me to go see Lord of the Rings on opening day (Nerdfest!!!! WOOHOO!) I told my sister that today and she said he must really like me because you don�t ask justanybody to see LOTR on opening day. That�s a serious fucking date dude, especially for Tolkien fans.

I just got off the phone with Lynn (who�s at her boyfriend�s) and we decided that we are going to brave the blizzard and venture over to see Angus in Six Degrees of Separation tonight. I fucking hate going out in weather like this, but I love Angus more than just about anyone on the planet, and the thought of him and his fellow castmates playing to a near empty house makes me sad. There is nothing worse than being in a show when the auidence doesn�t show up. It is a measure of my incredible devotion to him that I am making the trek�especially since we aren�t sleeping together anymore.

OK so back to Matt, the boy from the bus. He is so fucking smart and funny and talented and cute as all hell. I really like him. I feel like I�ve regressed back to the time before everything got all fucked up and damaged in terms of my romantic feelings. It�s scary and nice too.

I think if we wind up getting involved I�m going to take it nice and slow. I�m not going to do my customary routine of fucking someone right away. I�m going to enjoy the makeout sessions and the �getting to know you� experience before I do anything really intense. I don�t think he has as much sexual experience as I do, and he definitely doesn�t have the relationship experience I�ve had (although really who does except perhaps unfortunate soap opera divas.) He�s so completely not jaded. It�s refreshing. And when I�m around him, I remember what it�s like to not be jaded. Angus helped me with that to a certain extent. He gave me an incredible gift by making me feel sexy and beautiful and wanted and smart, and like I didn�t have to be anyone other than who I am. But Matt takes lack of jadedness to an entirely different level.