Saturday, Nov. 01, 2003 | 1:56 PM

Yesterday was Halloween and after work I had to go pick up some treats for me and Angus�the green planty variety that runs at $50 bucks an eigth if it�s any good.

So my dealer�s a swell pal and I met up with him, chatted and so forth. Then went to take the bus home. Except I was in such a happy romantic mood that I got on the wrong bus, and due to it being dark out, and the fact that I was daydreaming, I didn�t realize how off course I was until I wound up in the middle of fucking West Roxbury. For those of you not in the know, West Roxbury is about as suburban as Boston gets� well besides Newton and parts of Brookline�but Newton and Brookline are rich chichi suburbs, whereas West Roxbury is smack dab middle class.

Instead of just taking the bus back to my original point of departure, I got off and wandered around. I watched little kids trick or treat and took note of all the jack-o-lanters in the windows. It�s such a sweet area and so homey. Then I remembered how at one point not so long ago I had actually imagined having that sort of life�you know, the suburbs and the kids and all that crap. I had somehow gotten so cut off from who I am that I�d made myself believe I would be happy with that stuff. And though it�s a nice place to visit, and there is a part of me that wistfully longs for the quiet and uncomlicated-ness of it all, the idea of living that life elicits a terrible panic in me. It�s everything I don�t want. Safety. Predictability. Settling. Ugh. So after about an hour, I just had to get out of there. I really had no idea where I was or how to take mass transit since I�d wandered so far from where I�d originally gotten off the bus. I wound up flagging down a cab. The driver was very sweet and he got me back to Allston licketysplit. It wasn�t even that expensive.

Returning to my grungy apartment, an enormous relief washed over me. There was Angus at his computer writing and I just had to throw my arms around him.

Promise me we�ll nevert move to the suburbs and be boriung. Promise you�ll keep acting and writing and I will too and we won�t be boring and shop for matching dishes and plan the day around going to Target.

He looked at me like I�d grown a second head. What are you talking about?

I gave him the lodown and we had a good talk. Then, we got baked and watched (what else?) Halloween which I hadn�t seen in a good five years and enjoyed immensely. Afterwards we had a film dork discussion about it, and gorged ourselves on popcorn and reeces peanut butter cups. I�ve been eating super well lately�probably better than I have my whole life�lot�s of protein and veggies and fruits and whole grains. But throwing caution to the wind and indulging in junk food was soooooooo nice. We had one of those stoned discussions about why popcorn is the perfect food.

Eventually, we put on the John Carpenter remake of The Thing (we�d wanted to watch the original but Angus couldn�t find it. Drats.) and promptly we both passed out.

Today Angus is in New Hampshire for his niece�s birthday and I am going to get my hair cut and do some laundry and research my next scene for acting class. I�d been hopnig the Mr. Show bootleg tapes I�d ordered would be here by now but they haven�t come yet. Oh well, at least I still get to look forward to receiving them.