Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003 | 12:01 PM

Historically I am pretty good at meeting any challenges I need to face. The key word here being need. In fact as much as I piss and moan, I really relish the whole do or die let�s-see-if-I-can-make-it-against-all-odds kind of thing. When something happens to me, I kick into high gear. When I�m up against the wall with nowhere to go, I can pull magic right outta my ass. Trauma spurs me on�be it something transpiring in the physical world (i.e., my apartment building burning down) or something less tangible, for instance the emotional devastation that occurs when personal relationships implode. Everything positive that has ever happened to me is a result of my own efforts, which were in turn spurred on by major upheaval in my life.

In fact, I don�t know if I know anyone who has the kind of willpower or singleness of purpose I have when I have to have it.

That�s the friggin� problem. I can adapt fantastically to structures that are imposed upon me. But I am so god damned motherfucking lazy that if I don�t have to do anything, I won�t. I have no discipline as far as imposing structure on myself�at least not long term. I skate through life in so many ways. It�s so easy for me to get by and I enjoy indulging myself, so I do. I sit around and drink and eat well and buy records and books and go to my job and then I open my mouth for ten minutes a week and sing and everyone loves it and I go to my acting class once a week and I rack up the compliments and then I go home and have sex and drink and smoke and I skate right through life without breaking a sweat. Why? Because I fucking can. And for so long I couldn�t�but that was years ago. The days of not having a permanent roof over my head are gone. The only obstacles I face in my life have to do solely with me. Problem is I�m far more reactive than proactive. I�m not so good at taking the reigns unless I�m forced to, but then when I do I�m fucking great at it and everything falls into place. It�s just a question of actually making the choices.

See it creeps up on you so slowly. And I know that I only have a few years left and then bam I�m thirty and it�s not so cute anymore. On the surface I�m certainly not an underachiever by any means. But I know what I am capable of if I set my mind to it and I am totally coasting right now. It�s hard because (and I hate to say this) I look around me and I�m not super inspired by anyone. I�m in a sea of smart talented people who are, in terms of reaching their own potential, far lazier than even I am. I don�t have many people in my immediate environment to look up to, and that�s something I need. And I need to spend time with people who inspire me and who are on the track I want to be on. Whenever I run into Mr. Wonderful at the Chuck Lounge I feel like I�ve reached the oasis in the desert. And every week at acting class my teacher makes me feel that way as well. And when I read about people whom I desperately admire (i.e. David Cross) I have that sense. I want to ask these people how they impose that kind of discipline on themselves. I want to find out all about their work ethic. I want to learn how they achieve that sort of unwavering confidence and how they circumvent boredom, and most of all how they create their own structure and stick to it.

Most of the brilliant, funny, creative people whom I know in real life are pretty adrift and coasting even more than I am.

Well one thing is that I can take all the internal criticism I have of how other people approach their own lives and start being a lot harder on myself. I�m 26 years old for christ sakes and it�s time I stopped expecting the world to challenge me. It�s time I started challenging myself. After all, everything in my past history points to success and evolution when I actually put down the wine bottle, the cheese burger, the remote, and the dildo, get off the couch, and make a fucking decision.

You're David! You're a drunk redneck who hates
cops. Don't forget your roots though. You love
the Pope, Goats, and once hired the country of
Canada to sing happy birthday to you. Idiot.

which mr. show genius are you?
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