Thursday, Sept. 11, 2003 | 8:48 AM

I am absolutely 100% positive that I did not get a role in the play. And the entire audition experience was totally disappointing-- I don't want to go into why and it had nothing to do with me. To try to explain it would be petty and rude. It was kind of an eye opening experience.

The strange thing is, as much as I have been obsessing about this play, and as much as I adore it and the character I studied with such intensity for months on end, I honestly don't care right now. Because what I saw and heard wasn't what I had dreamed it up in my head to be, and that's why I am disappointed-- not because I am reasonably sure I didn't get in, but because even if I do, it's justso much less than what it should be. And I can already tell the kind of experience it will become.

It's funny how I put all my eggs in one basket and get my heart set on something. The best things are always surprises anyway. What I experienced last night-- what I saw was so far removed from my own vision and my own imaginings, and quite simply nowhere as good. This has been a very important lesson for me. Anyway I'm waiting for the call and I will take it with good grace.

Part of this business is disappointment, and your own artistic vision is unfortunately not in line with someone else's. If I get a role, I'll be happy to be a part of it and enjoy it for what it is, but honestly, if I don't get in (and I won't-- I'm nearly positive) it's all for the good.

Someday I'm going to do it the way I think it should be done.