Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003 | 11:55 PM

I have come to a decision. I am moving out of my apartment and in with Angus on September 3rd, and as of that point I am going to leave diaryland, or at the very least this diary. I know I've said that before, but in the spirit of really moving on with certain aspects of my life I am at that point going to stop writing here.

And to make this all a little less traumatic, I'm giving myself a couple weeks to ease out of it and kind of reflect on everything.

This diary is such a part of an era, you know? And that era is done. And still there is a hanging on to that era through this diary. It's not healthy for me. It keeps me tied to a lot that isn't good for me to be tied to.

There's a part of my past that I have not fully broken away from yet and diaryland is the vehicle by which I continue to keep myself tied to it. Letting go fully-- I mean FULLY of what I need to completely and 100% let go of is only going to happen when I absolutely stop voyeuristically looking in on the lives of people I obviously haven't fully detached myself from, and stop offering up my own life in the same manner. If something is over, then it should be over. Diaryland has become like a wake for a part of my life that ended badly, that I have not fully processed, and that I want to move on from.

It's not a major thing. It's not like a big huge thing in my life, but it's something, and it's not good for me. And I second guess everything I write here. There's a little editor standing over my shoulder with a bright red pen, and that's bullshit. This is not cathartic, courageous, or particularly interesting. When there are subjects you can't write about, those subjects stand out like a sore thrumb. And I haven't had a lot of insight into anything in my life via diaryland for a long time.

Moving always makes me take stock of things, and there's so much going on in my head right now. I feel as though I'm regenerating from the outside in. I want my life to be my own. I want my diary to be my own. I have almost 1,000 entries in here. Maybe I'll write many entries over the enxt couple weeks so I can get right up to 1,000. I'll go out on top, like Seinfeld or something.

More later.