Wednesday, Jul. 23, 2003 | 9:49 AM

I really really really really really really really love Angus. A lot.

It�s not often (for me anyways) that you can go through hell and back with someone, be terribly hurt by that person and hurt that person back, and you both come out of it better and more understanding and on surer footing than you ever were.

My friendship with Angus is the great success story of my emotional history. We spent years hurting each other and somehow we finally got to a point where we were able to talk through everything right down to the bone, and accept each other and the relationship we have.

Our relationship is still kind of indefinable. It exists in some murky nameless category. Lover. War Buddy. Sibling. We are all these things. As much as we�ve fucked up and hurt each other, I have never been so certain in my whole life of someone really and truly caring about me.

This is all on my mind because last night I watched the Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan special edition DVD he bought me.

Angus is taking me out to dinner tomorrow and then we are karaokeing at the Charles Playhouse along with some other fabulous peeps. Friday I�m going to be with Ivy. Saturday I have my audition and am hanging out with Alamada.

I�m really really really lucky to have so many amazing people in my life. When I start feeling sad or overwhelmed, I have to remind myself to step back and look at how full and wonderful my life is, and how fucking blessed I am.