Friday, Jul. 11, 2003 | 10:51 AM

A mark, a yen a buck or a pound.
is all that makes the world go round
That clinking clanging sound
It makes the world go round.

-- from Cabaret

So, I bit the bullet. I sent my Godmother a letter. And oddly, I feel better having done it even through I�m really embarrassed to have asked to borrow money. I haven�t asked to borrow money since I was 19 years old, and at that point it was just a couple hundred dollars, quickly paid back.

This time I asked for 6,000 bucks. Yes�that�s right. Six Thousand Dollars. To be paid back at $200/month with interest. We�ll see what she says.

But now I know I�m doing everything short of actually prostituting myself (and don�t think I haven�t looked into it�no joke. Unfortunately there isn�t too big a market for fat escorts) to square this away. I can�t work any more hours than I�m working. I can�t pay any more than I�m paying. I cast a spell this morning too. And I�ve never ever had a spell not work�I only use them for dire circumstances. So I�m flying in on a wing and a prayer right now.

But I have remarkable optimism. Things, is their own strange ways, always work out for me. It�s the upside of having had some terrible bullshit happen. I lead a charmed life�and an interesting one at that. In the end, I wouldn�t have traded it all for anything.

Oh, thanks Hallie and Bellis for the egg selling recommendations�I actually looked into it but unfortunately I don�t meet the height weight requirements, and I also have endocrine disorders (not to mention documented mental illness�YAY for severe depression) that disqualify me from that. Too bad because I�d totally do it. I certainly don�t need all those eggs. As has been proven, I get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

However, I did call the people who tore muscle tissue out of my thighs a couple years ago for a cool 600 dollars to see if they�re doing any medical studies I might be qualified for (God�the things I used to do for apartment money. Jesus Christ. I still have the scars. They�re kind of hott actually. All�s fair in love and war, you know.) and they�re going to get back to me.

I also researched the bone marrow thing but I didn�t see anything about that. I don�t know if you can sell your bone marrow and honestly even if you could, people only need bone marrow for life threatening illnesses like leukemia, and ethically I wouldn�t be able to live with myself if I was profiting from that. I�d give my bone marrow to someone I loved if they needed it but I couldn�t live with myself if I sold it.

Enough about money.

I got a letter from Ivy. Our crazy summer romance is officially on. However, this weekend she�s going to be in New York. And when she gets back from New York, she�ll be here for a couple days then she�s off to San Francisco for a week. Then she has a week between being in San Fran and taking off for Brazil. When she returns to Boston from Brazil, she�ll be here for two days and then she�s gone to Colorado for a week. When she gets back from Colorado, the two of us have five days before her boyfriend returns. So there�s not every much time for loving. Which is probably just as well, since I have bigger things on my mind.

Speaking of loving, there�s a Boy at second job who I am very very taken with. He�s a Harvard Grad (god�what is it with me and Ivy grads? Am I really that much of a snob?) who�s getting his masters in music performance. He�s a jazz saxophonist and all around smart funny guy. We spend our breaks talking about Kurt Weil and Stravinsky. He�s very cute. I totally want to bed him, and I haven�t met a man in a long while that I wanna bed.

There�s a nice big gblue bruise on my arm from where they drew the blood a couple days ago. It�s so beautiful. Like a muted Rorsharc blot.

Alamada and I have rehearsal tomorrow. We have a show coming up soon. I�ll give you the details when I know more�