Saturday, Jul. 05, 2003 | 1:26 AM

This fourth of July�s sheer fantasiticalness almost made up for how terrible last fourth of July was.

I spent the morning in a daze, thinking about Ivy. I am having a love affair. An actual honest to goodness love affair with the most eerily beautiful intelligent sexy funny talented woman I have ever met. And somehow, this woman�this woman who is the embodiment of everything I could want in someone, thinks I am irresistibly attractive. I have no idea how or why, but it�s true.

This is what it feels like to have someone who can�t keep their hands off of you. This is what it feels like when in mid converation, you trail off and can�t remember what you are saying because you are blinded by the sheer magnetism of your attraction. This is what it feels like to have sex so fully incorporated into the relationship rather than compartmentalized. This is what it feels like to really and truly recognize that you are OK just as you are�you don�t have to be thinner or quieter or cleaner or anything-er. To be cherished in every possible way�emotionally, mentally, and physically� just for being you. Everyone deserves to have that in their lives. To look into someone else�s eyes and see total acceptance and appreciation.

When she came over last night she brought me a single perfect lily.

That�s class.

Around 1PM I called her and said,

I just needed to tell you that you are so wonderful.

And I was so overwhelmed I had to get off the phone within two minutes.

I spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Ella Fitzgerald and swooning.

Around 7:00 Alamada and her brother came by to pick me up and we drove over to her sister�s apartment which is right near south station in a loft building.

I�ve always been fascinated by that area of town�there�s something slightly post apocalyptic about it.

In order to get upstairs we had a take a huge freight elevator, which struck me as being the most romantic thing possible.

The four of us plus Leslie, David, and David�s pal Jon went up to the roof to get stoned and watch the fire works. We had a perfect view.

They just dropped me back home.

Life is perfect right now. This moment is all that matters, and I want to savour it for everything it is.