Tuesday, Jul. 01, 2003 | 11:30 AM

Alright so I�ve calmed down and stopped crying, and am feeling a tad more objective.

Ivy is a terrific person and of course I want to be her friend. Friendship is really the only thing that matters in the long run anyway. That�s a lesson I�ve learned through a lot of hurt. If I could go back and changed my former paramours to friends and bypassed the romantic part of things, I�d do it in a heart beat.

Yes I have had disastrous luck with romance in the past. But who hasn�t? Who hasn�t been broken hearted? Who hasn�t been betrayed? Who hasn�t been disappointed or hurt or cheated on or lied to? This is part of being human. We all go through this. It�s par for the course.

(If it hasn�t happened to you yet, don�t worry puppy, it will. No one here gets out alive, if you catch my drift.)

And really, this is probably for the best. I was falling hard for Ivy. But I don�t have the time or energy right now to be involved in a significant romantic monogamous relationship�I mean that�s basically why she�s breaking up with me anyway�she said so herself. That she doesn�t want a casual affair with me because she cares too much.

And I cannot be distracted right now from what I really need to do, and I have been distracted since we became involved. This is the summer where I need to get my shit together and make plans and get ready to do what I want to do with my life. I�m most likely going to be leaving here in the Spring anyway to embark on the next phase of my theatrical career, so what kind of sense would it make to throw myself into this incredibly intense relationship with someone?

If and when I �settle down� with someone, it�s going to be at a time in my life where I am really stable and doing exactly what I want to do. I will be in theatre full time and financially solvent. I�ll be in terrific physical and emotional shape. Otherwise, the relationship wouldn�t have a chance anyway.

I will miss the sex, but that�s OK. I feel blessed to have had such a wild time with someone.

And the rest is gravy.